Wow! It's been about a year since I posted last!

I can't believe it's been so long.  Life is constantly changing.
Last fall, in 2010, my husband finally got his Social Security Disability award. It seemed, after that, he really calmed down his bad attitude and the problems we were having. Then, his son and wife had a new baby boy. We are Grandparents! We went up to Indiana for a few days to meet the new baby. He is, of course, beautiful!
Christmas was okay but none of my husband's kids were able to visit. He was kind of down about that. My boys came over with their girlfriends on Christmas Eve for dinner. It was nice, but Matt was sad, and spent most of the evening on the computer.
I've been trying to get to know more people at church, and trying to get more involved in activities there. I joined our Sunday School Class' Women's Prayer Group, Celebrate Recovery in October, a Beth Moore Bible Study and lately, a Yoga instruction class. Good times with great people! Of course, I'll always miss Woodland Creek and all the church family from there. I love them all dearly and try to keep in touch.
I still haven't found work that is close to home and do-able for me. I am really struggling with neck and back issues. My fibromyalgia acts up often enough to be frustrating, too. I've been having stomach issues off and on since last Fall, but I'm okay. I feel like people think I'm a hypochondriac sometimes, but honestly, I do have all these stupid health problems.
Anyway, we haven't heard from my husband's oldest daughter in well over a year. We are concerned for her and hope she is okay, of course. She chooses to live with a young man who has been in trouble for dealing drugs and she supports him. We are saddened by her choices and hope someday she will turn her life around. His middle daughter is going to college in California, now. His baby girl is still in High School, and is about to turn 16 this Spring. His son and his wife and baby are still living in Indiana with her family.
My sons are doing okay. The oldest is working on and off with the pipe-fitter's union. My youngest is still working at a restaurant. I keep hoping he'll go to college.
It's getting to be Spring, soon, and the weather is beautiful this week. I want to go to Florida soooo badly! I just want to sit on the beach with the breeze blowing, watching the waves.
Matt's middle daughter is coming to visit next weekend from Friday to Monday. I'm praying that this visit will go well, since she doesn't care for me. I've offered to go stay at my son's house for the weekend, if she is going to be confrontational or difficult. Of course, my husband says he won't let me do that.
I plan to go to see my Aunt and Uncle in Zephyr Hills, FL this April, when my husband's 2 youngest girls come for a week to see him. Hopefully, I can visit some other people down in Tampa while I'm there. (I may even detour to the beach for a day. :)
Nothing else going on here (Thank the Lord!) for now. I'm praying for a good weekend coming up, and to spend time with good people. I am so thankful for the loved ones and beautiful things God has provided to us!

Why Can't I Shut Up? or "My Tongue is Bleeding!"

It seems I am just blessed with a mouth that gets me into trouble. It seems like everything I say is wrong! I get so frustrated that I am unable to communicate what I really mean, or it sounds like I might mean something else... Maybe it's that people are looking for something to take the wrong way. I'm sure they'll find it, if that's the case. LOL! Anyway, I am in need of self-control and some kind of word-editing magic that happens before what I'm thinking leaves my mouth! I wish people would just see through to me...the real me...who really has the best intentions. I don't want to be mean or hateful or insulting. Sometimes, it just sounds that way. Sort of like Jessica Rabbit...."I'm just drawn that way!"

Love for all Seasons

Christmas has come and gone, and we have barely survived the pain it always seems to bring us with our dysfunctional family problems. I wish our family would let go of old resentments and imagined slights and just TRY to get along!

My husband's (and his mother's) Christmas was ruined by two of his daughters who feel the need to "punish" us for past misunderstandings or mistakes. Also, my Thanksgiving visit with my sister in Kentucky was ruined by both of our raw sensitivities to everything the other said. I ended up leaving in a huff and not even eating Thanksgiving dinner.

My sons came over and spent Christmas afternoon with me alone. I made an egg brunch casserole, and we had eggnog. Our gifts were sparse, but the love was plenty! Though we have gone through our difficult times in the past, we know that our love is solid for each other. No matter what, we can forgive and go forward...trying to do better in the future.

I thank God that He forgives and moves forward every time I mess up. What would I do if He didn't? I just praise Him for sending His Son to pay the blood sacrifice for my sins. I thank Him that He forgives my sin nature that continually rises up in defiance of His great love. I always have my Lord's love.

Friends are God's gift...

Although some difficult situations have not all been resolved, we are handling them a little better. Life is going on, every day. I have so many friends who care for me, and that I love dearly. I don't know what I would do without them! God has blessed me with them, and I am so thankful.
I belong to a Bible Study group on Tuesday nights. Right now, we are studying Esther. I really love Beth Moore studies. Great group of ladies in this group, too.
I also belong to a group of ladies who enjoy a monthly "Girl's Night Out". We have about 6 or 7 of us that meet for dinner once a month at different restaurants. We have built lasting friendships through this group of ladies that originated in a Sunday School class.
My church family will eternally be mine. Those whom I have been blessed with studying God's Word and fellowshipping with. If I don't get to see them as much as I'd like, then I'll get to spend more time with them in Heaven!
My friends are sisters and brothers I choose to have in my life, and that God has allowed me to be in their lives.

Landing on our feet

It seems like everything that could go wrong, is going wrong at the same time! It seems like it just comes in waves. One of my best friends told me last night, that we always land on our feet, so we shouldn't worry about it so much.
She is right. I have my God, my Lord Jesus by my side. He always looks out for me. He is there for me: my strength, my shelter in the storm. It is all going to be alright as long as I keep my eyes on Him.

A long time coming...

It seems that we eventually do have to deal with things we have put off for years. There have been issues with my husband's ex-wife that he kept putting off and hoping it would change or go away that have now resurfaced again. He is finally planning to deal with these issues and put them to rest. Unfortuneately, it looks as if it may be costing us a lot more than if he had dealt with it when it first came up. It has also cost more in hurt feelings and resentment.
That's a lesson to be learned, sometimes. When something happens we find difficult to deal with, don't let it fester and become painful and ugly. We need to take it to the Lord and give it to Him. Ask His guidance and repent of any wrongdoing we have done in regard to the matter. Then go forward and try to make it right. I know that God will bless us if we just defer to Him and His will for us, His children.

Change...

I went to church this morning. I missed so many old friends, it made me sad. I tried to concentrate on helping others as much as I could and then to listen intently to the preacher. I sang with my heart, and worshipped my Lord with my soul. I poured my heart out to Him.

Change is difficult. It's not easy and comfortable. I have a comfortable fellowship with my old friends. It takes time and effort to get to know new people. My heart breaks with missing those I care for. I don't know what I'm supposed to do... I'm trying to hang in there and tough it out. I need to know if God wants me to change directions or stick with it.

I just have to remember that God is the same in the past, now and forever. I can depend on Him to be there for me when I'm struggling with my feelings and new situations.

Lord, be my strength and help me to do what You plan for my life. Show me and guide me in all that I do.